The Day My Son Spoke

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday for many reasons, but now it's my favorite because it's the first time Tyler said "I love you" to us. At the time, we were use to his Tobii Dynavox, because we had been working with it for a little while. I honestly wasn't expecting to hear those three words that evening. We were at a friend’s house; everyone was sitting in random spots having conversations, Tyler was in his chair observing, and I was a few feet away sitting on the couch. I made eye contact with Tyler and he gave me his sweet smile. Eventually, Tyler's eyes turned back to his communication device and as I was about to turn away, I heard "I love you...mom" and if it wasn't for the crowd of people, I probably would have been broken down in tears. I literally looked around me, in shock, wondering if anyone else heard. Was my mind playing tricks on me or was this real life? The smile on his face gave the clear answer. I try not to think about the things he can't do or say, because I feel them. The muscles in his arms feel a certain way when he is trying to hug me and his eyes look to me in a certain way when he needs me. For the rest of my life, I'll remember this day, and his smile. Even as I type this blog, I have tears in my eyes and my heart is racing. Three words is all it took to make me the happiest I've ever been.

With a child, like Tyler, you spend all your time wanting to connect, guessing, and finding ways to communicate. And while I could see his love for me in his eyes, hearing it meant the world to me and Ryan. I have always been my child's voice, but now he has his own. Every day we get to learn more about him, always seeing new sides to his personality. This video has been watched by me more times than I can count, because it never gets old, hearing his story, seeing his smile, and being reminded to not give up. The days go by slow and they're hard, but the years go by fast. I'll forever be grateful to Heartspring for making such an important video about Tyler. I don't often broadcast our trials, but before this video, I was in such a bad place. This video was, and still is, everything I needed, and I didn't even know it. When I first saw it, I remember getting into my car and sobbing. I sobbed because I didn't realize how far we had come, until it was put in front of my face. This video reminds me of where we started, and how grateful I am for this life, for Tyler's life, and how we fought to be here. This is a three minute and seventeen second look into the life of a nine year old boy who wakes up and fights every single day. A little boy who has more courage, strength, and hope than anyone could ever imagine. On Thanksgiving Day, this little boy really spoke to me, all on his own, without being asked. On January 27, Heartspring posted his video, showing the world who Tyler is and exactly what he has always been capable of achieving. Our journey is not over. We will continue to face more trials, but as we do, we will remember his triumphs in life, and from them, we will draw strength and courage.

"It will take much more than rainfall, than stormy skies. We are endurance." 
-Tyler Knott Gregson

Motherhood: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I would like to sit here and tell you how I'm on top of life in all aspects, but this is what motherhood looks like some days.  I would like to tell you how my children eat healthy, gourmet, meals for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  But, who are we kidding!?  Some days Most days, as long as they are clothed and fed, then I am succeeding in life.  Unless, you're my two year old, then clothes are a foreign object that you want nothing to do with.  So, the "clothed" statement doesn't apply to him.  You can never plan for the unexpected, like waking up late.  When my oldest son, Tyler, has a therapist coming over to our house, you have a few quick decisions to make.  Top priority decision, food.  Leftover pizza and one pop tart for each kid.  There were three pieces of pizza left, and three kids who needed food. If that's not a sign, I don't know what is! OR I can whip up some eggs, but the time it would take me to make them, I could be brushing Tyler's teeth, changing his diaper, throwing clean clothes on him, and finding my bra.  Pizza and pop tarts it is!  Kids are happy with their breakfast, and Tyler's ready.  Now, I need them to stay occupied during Tyler's therapy session.  That's where the laptop comes into play.  I know, I know, I planted my kids butts in front of a laptop to watch an un-educational show.  JUDGE ME!  Did it work?  I hoped.  Not as good as I thought.  Especially, the part when Evan wiped his poo on my leg.  People, I don't understand how when Evan, my two year old, is completely nude, he goes to the bathroom every single time by himself.  God forbid you put underpants on him, because he will go to the bathroom in those underpants EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.  You know what else you can't plan for?  A child who wakes up on the wrong side of the bed.  Example: Evan cries for pop tart, I give him pop tart, he cries again and says no. I put pop tart back on counter, then he cries for pop tart again. Evan starts eating and walks away happy.  By the way, this happened quite a few times today with my two year old.  When he pooped and I had to clean him up, when he wanted the entire bottle of germ-x, instead of the suggested one squirt.  Shame on me for handing him the pop tart wrong, this morning!  *slams head on wall*  Motherhood is hard freaking work, man.  If the best you can do is left over pizza and a pop tart, then good for you!  You're alive, they're alive, and you're surviving.  Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully a better one.  I'm making up for their breakfast by making them an awesome dinner, but I won't lie and say that I haven't taken the easier route, every single meal.