Cerebral Palsy Awareness Day!

I won't lie and say I haven't imagined who Tyler could have been.  The other week, I sat and watched a dad and his son throw a football back and forth.  Man, was it a beautiful day!  Leaves were flying through the air, the wind was blowing softly, and it smelled amazing outside.  I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and when my eyes opened, I saw Tyler and Ryan playing catch.  Ryan gestured for Tyler to "go long" and he started running away. When he caught the ball, he smiled.  On their way back in the house, Ryan rubbed his hand roughly through Tyler's hair and pulled him into his body for a side hug.  I blinked and was brought back to reality.  It made me a little sad, so I decided to go back inside and when I turned the corner to my living room, I saw Ryan laying down on the couch next to Tyler with their arms wrapped around each other.  Ever so softly, I listened to them coo back and forth at each other.  I know, cooing is something that babies do, but there is a soft sound that Tyler makes when he is happy and that's what it reminds me of.  Just like that, I didn't care who he could have been, but fell in love with who he is and the love that surrounds this house.

I post pictures of us smiling and write about our funny moments, but you miss the nights where we're in tears and on our knees begging for better days.  Tyler's body is slowly becoming deformed in a way and that will happen when you don't use it the way you're supposed to.  Today, I spent almost an hour changing positions to help him cough up junk that he can't get out naturally.  Ryan had to cuddle Tyler for an hour because tears were flowing down his face and he couldn't tell us why.  Today has been hard, which is normal, but these are the things people don't understand about CP.  It's more than not being able to walk or speak.  Also, I believe Zach Anner said it best when he said nothing is wrong with his body, but that CP is caused by brain damage.

Cerebral Palsy is ugly, but has brought a whole lot of beauty to our lives.  There's something special about waking up each day, devoting your life to helping someone through their own, in every way possible.  There's this connection that I can't honestly explain to most people.  When your only form of communication for years was through your eyes.  We have met incredible people through this journey.  Unfortunately, we've witnessed hate, but we've experienced more love than anything else.  Walking away from this life is not an option.  Without us, Tyler wouldn't be able to live the life he does, but without him, I would be dead inside.  Through the years, the two of us have kept each other balanced.  Tyler having CP has pushed me to the most uncomfortable and scary places I've ever been.  If it wasn't for all of this, I wouldn't be who I am, as cliche as that sounds.  His disability has prepared me for this life and has helped me be a better mother to all of my children.

Tyler has made us all more gentle, patient, accepting, and understanding.  I don't know who Tyler would have been if he was healthier and free of his disabilities, but I'll tell you what, in his ten years of life, he has taught us more than anyone else I've ever known, and I feel like that's because of his trials.  Tyler isn't an inspiration because he has Schizencephaly or Cerebral Palsy.  He inspires me because of the way he carries himself through it all and how real he is.  He has the ability to accept his completely crappy situation and keep going, keep learning, keep pushing himself.  Who knows, maybe he'll write a book one day!?  I believe in his abilities.  I believe in Tyler.

I've always believed in finding good in crappy circumstances.  That's how we survive over here.  Today is Cerebral Palsy Awareness Day and I want people to understand that Tyler is so much more than his disabilities.  They're apart of him, and there's no changing that, but he is smart, funny, a geek, loves anything to do with farts and poop, and most of all, he's a fighter.

"The future is worth it. All the pain. All the tears. The future is worth the fight." -Martian Manhunter